10 Ways To Annoy Renesmee

by ~Twilight-Princess333

A/N Well the votes were in and this is the total:
Renesmee- 4

Emmett- 2

Sorry if you voted after I counted sorry! I counted these on 01/08/09! So now for Renesmee’s list! Credit to: Jeah Hale, xXMyhtical-Midnight-SunXx.

Disclaimer:

Me- Hey hey you you!

Stephanie- Me?

Me- I don’t like your attitude!

Stephanie- Why the crap are you singing?

Me- I think you need a new one!

Stephanie- Your really getting annoying…

Me- Hey hey you you! I could take Midnight Sun off of your hands! No way no way it would be a secret!

Stephanie- SECURITY! Why didn’t I do that in the first place?

Me- NO YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!! (Runs right into them) Ummmm… I’m not the girl you’re looking for cause I know that Stephanie Meyer owns twilight and I don’t! (nervous laugh then gets kicked out) Awwww.

If you people couldn’t tell that was a very pathetic remake of Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend which I don’t own either (Looks up at the buff guys that are almost as big as Emmett) Well I guess I’ve been stalling long enough (Looks at long authors note) HOLY CRAP!! That’s long anyway enjoy!!!

Renesmee’s pov

I was texting on my phone when my over excited aunt came running up into my room “Hello Alice.” I said kind of not wanting to go shopping today. I looked at her, and surprisingly she didn’t have an ‘I want to go shopping, and your coming with me whether you like it or not!’ look on her face. It was more of an ‘I’ve got a secret that’s going to torture you.’ Then I remembered the lists. For each one of them except Alice’s Alice was the one who got them. I realized it must be my turn now “Oh no you don’t I’m not going to read that stupid list!” I crossed my arms, and sat firm on my bed. She pouted a little bit, and then before I knew it she scooped me up, and ran down the stairs, and threw me between my parents “ALICE!!!” I shrieked. Everyone winced, and I gave an apologetic look to everyone except Alice. Oh she was going to have hell to pay. I picked up the damn list…”Renesmee language.” My dad said reading my mind. Darn mind rapist. He frowned. Now where was I? Oh yeah so I picked up the damn list. SMACK! My dad just did a face palm. Maybe I could have fun with this.

10 Ways To Annoy Renesmee Cullen by: The Cullen family

1: Throw her in the Loch Ness. J

Renesmee- Jasper!

Jasper- Awww, but it was so good, and besides Jake’s the one who gave you thes tupid nickname.

Rensmee- It’s not stupid.

Esme- Moving on.

2: Ask what she’s going to name her ‘puppies’. E

Rensmee- (total and utter shock)

Jacob- (walks in) Hey heard you were getting tortured so I came to watch.

Renesmee- (Blink blink)

Jacob- Ness? (looks at paper) OH GOD!

Edward- I don’t even want to think about that…

Rosalie- (laughing) Good one Emmey!

Emmett- Emmey? Cool! I got a nickname!!!

Rosalie- (facepalm)

3: Ask if the species of their kid would be called a werehywolfbrid. A

Renesmee- (goes into shock again)

Jacob- Enough with the whole kids joke thing!

Rosalie- But I’m enjoying them!

Emmett- (doing the cabbage patch) I got a nickname! I got a nickname!

4: When you ask if she’s had her first kiss add on “And licking your face does not count as a kiss! R

Renesmee- (blushes)

Rosalie- Oh my god he has hasn’t he?

Jacob- Have not!

Renesmee- (in quiet voice) yes…, but we have really kissed too.

Edward- (growls)

Jacob- (scoots closer to Renesmee)

5: Get Jacob to buy me a new pair of stiletto boots. A

Renesmee- How’s that supposed to annoy me?

Alice- Because I’m going o keep pestering you until you give in.

Renesmee- Yeah good luck with that Alice.

Alice- Stiletto.

Bella- And so it begins.

Alice- Stiletto.

6: Ask if it’s at all weird that her boyfriend wanted to have sex with her mom. J

Edward- Let’s not bring those memories back. (Glares at Jacob)

Alice- Stiletto.

Renesmee- As a matter of fact it is a tad bit weird.

Alice- Stiletto.

Jacob- (nervous laugh) Um let’s move on.

Alice- Stiletto.

Emmett- I GOT A NICKNAME YEAH!!!

Esme- Emmett get off the table you going to bre… CRACK!…Too late. I’ll get the broom. (Sigh)

Alice- Stiletto.

Renesmee- Your really getting on my nerves now.

Alice- Stiletto.

Renesmee- ARGGGGHHH!!! FINE!!! Jacob please buy Alice some new stiletto boots for my sanity.

Jacob- Alright. (Walks out with Alice) (One of my skits will be the shopping trip :D)

7: Warn her to not punch Jacob in the face no matter how mad she gets because she’ll just break her hand. B

Renesmee- Thanks for the warning mom, but I don’t think I’ll need it. (evil grin)

Jacob- (walks in)

Renesmee- Hey Jacob come here. I want to prove a point.

Jacob- Ok. (Walks over there)

Edward-(snickering)

Renesmee- (Punch’s Jacob in the face)

Jacob- OWWWWWW!! (Steps back with a bloody nose) OK all of you stay away from me, but what the hell was that for!???

Rensemee- Just read this. (Hands him the list)

Jacob- (reads it) ha ha.

Rensemee- Here I’m sorry. (hands him a Kleenex)

8: Give her a plushie Loch Ness Monster for her birthday. E

Renesmee- Daddy!! I wish ya’ll would stop making fun of my nickname!

Jacob- Yeah! (puts an arm around her)

Edward- (sends a warning glance to Jacob)

Jacob- (Tries to take his arm back, but Renesmee holds it there)

9: Ask if she eats Wolves. J

Jacob- (looks at Renesmee fearfully)

Edward- (smirks) I know I do.

Bella- (nudges him in the side) Be nice!

Renesmee- I do not!

Jacob- Whew.

10: Tell her that Renesmee sounds like a disease. Anoymous

Rensmee- WHO PUT THAT ONE?? WHOEVER IT WAS THEY WILL HAVE HEL L TO PAY!!

Jacob- C-calm down.

Renesmee- DON’T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN MISTER!!!!!

Edward- (scanning the room, and then narrows his eyes at Emmett) Him.

Everyone- (turns, and looks at Emmett with death glare)

Emmett- SHIIIIIIITTTTT!!! (runs out of the house with Renesmee chasing him)

Rensmee- DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH!! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY NAME LIKE THAT!!!

Later here’s what happened on the shopping trip

Jacob- I WANT TO DRIVE!

Alice- IT’S MY CAR I’M DRIVING!

Jacob- ME!

Alice- ME! (Then pushes Jacob on the ground, and climbs in the drivers seat and blows raspberry at him)

Jacob- Hmph real mature.

Alice- Just get in the car!

(so they get in the car and drive to the mall)

Alice- Ooooo I want these! (Holds up a pair of stiletto boots that are yellow and covered in diamonds)

Jacob- (looks a price tag) Whoops looks like it’s too much.

Alice- Oh yeah? (Picks him up by the leg, and holds him upside down, and starts shaking him until his wallet falls out) You do too have enough liar!

Jacob- Put me down!

Alice- Oh yeah sorry. (Drops him on his head)

Jacob- Pretty birdies.

Alice- Yeah whatever. (Buys the boots then drags Jacob back into the car, and they drive home)

Ok this next skit is connected to the shopping trip this is Ness and Jake

Renesmee- Hi Jacob!

Jacob- (nervous laugh) Um hi Nessie.

Renesmee- What’s wrong?

Jacob- Well you know how we were planning on going out tomorrow night?

Renesmee- yeah?

Jacob- Well we can’t any more…

Renesmee- But we’ve been looking forward to this for weeks what happened?

Jacob- Alice robbed me for those stiletto boots.

Renesmee- Wait here. (Skips upstairs) Oh Aunt Alice!

Alice- Yeah?

Reensmee- (tackles her) YOU RUINED AND NOW YOUR GONNA PAY!! YOU LITTLE BITCH!!! Wait! I know what to do! (Grabs Alice’s wallet, and takes out a couple hundred bucks, and skips back downstairs, and gives them to Jacob) All taken care of.

A/N Wow never mess with Nessie. She almost killed me when she found out I was doing her next! Ok people want Emmett next so send in your ideas for Emmett! Thank you for reading (Takes graceful bow but ends up falling off stage while Rosalie walks away looking very pleased) ROSALIE!!! Gah she just can’t take that I’m prettier then her. (Gets hit in the head with a brick) Ok maybe I’m not prettier than her. (Falls unconscious)

~ Giggles